Introducing BARE: Bold, Authentic, Raw and Empowering
Self Image seems to be a bit of a tricky thing. I am not saying that I am the poster child of self image and I definitely have seen clients struggle with it. But what I do feel I have gotten better at is managing it in a way that works for me.
A long time ago I thought about giving up photography because the process had become flat and so were the results. That was until I (virtually) met a woman named Sue Bryce that encouraged us to turn the photo session into an experience. To give women an opportunity to see themselves differently. Adding to that, later I (virtually) met another photographer, Kara Marie who also had a focus on giving clients the experience of feeling beautiful and comfortable in their own skin. Each of these photographers have different approaches… but accomplished the same thing of giving people a moment to feel beautiful about themselves, as they were. And I loved it.
Soon after that I discovered a world of therapeutic photography, life coaching with photography and mindfulness with photography. It suddenly clicked for me as to why I liked photography since I was a kid- I felt good taking pictures as a kid because photography essentially is an exercise in mindfulness. I dove in to other topics and started playing in the studio. I could combine my skills as a life coach with photography and really make an impact on individuals I worked with. In fact, one client told me their significant other noticed a continued positive change 2 days after the shoot.
As I have mentioned in previous blog posts I have not always been perfect with self image, self confidence and so on. But hearing this new idea of conducting a session as an experience, to make an impact on others, and then learn there is a whole field around this- I love it. And I am so grateful for the opportunity I have had so far to help others… but I want to do more. Beyond the session. Beyond feeling good for a moment. Can photography be a skill to help others with their self image, manage anxiety and so on? Can a photograph taken in a session be a reference point for a self growth milestone?
So introducing BARE. Bold, Authentic, Raw and Empowering.
I wanted to have groups where women support each other on self image. I want to have a coaching program that help others accomplish their dreams they are holding back on. I want a magazine that shows real people, real beauty- real humans. I want to start a movement. I love people showing who they are. I love people showing their depth. I love people showing who they are in all phases of life, with blemish. To be human is beautiful.
Bold
This is not the scream from the rooftops, in your face kind of bold. More of the quiet, beat to your own drum kind of bold. I love that people that think different, do different, are not afraid of it and could care less what you think about it.
Authentic
Who are you? Not what ‘science’ says. Not what society says. And maybe not even what your mom says. I love people that look in the face of what society says they should be, and say no thank you. I once heard a talk from 2 people that from what science says, should no longer be here but are. They also said no thank you. Who are you? But perhaps more importantly who do you want to become that is authentic to you? I think there is an art to authenticity that is about learning and following what is you, without apology and not what others say.
Raw
Who are you behind closed doors? Could your mess help someone else? How is your mess helping shape you? I have personally had a time in my life where I sought the input of others and I think my story could have been different if others were open to me about their similar struggles. I would not have felt so alone. Note this is not a suggestion to shout your woes from the rooftops or climb to the bottom of the victim barrel. It is a suggestion that we do have more of a shared experience than we realize and I believe by sharing the struggle, and the triumphs- we help each other.
Empowering
I once heard someone say that the best bosses are those that encourage you to improve so much, you outgrow them and leave their team. I want to empower others for positive changes in their own lives. I wants others to empower others.
My mom used to tell us when we were little that we could not change the world, but we could start by changing our little corner. Well not to completely disagree with my mom but I do think there are some people that have changed the world by changing their little corner of it. This is my desire to change my little corner. And offer it to you. To hope like a ripple of water that it spreads. I hope that whether or not you join us for a BARE experience- that you can share goodness with the world. Bold. Authentic. Raw. Empowering.
The first BARE experience is May 6 at 7pm. Sign up here.
You Are Worthy of a Beautiful Portrait… and More
Something I hear a lot is a person does not want pictures because they do not think they will look good in them. I hear anxiety about this in the studio. I hear anxiety about this in the portrait selection session. In fact just over a week ago I was showing a client their pictures and they stated ‘wow, those aren’t bad’. I smiled back and told the client I loved hearing that my pictures ‘aren’t bad’. The client quickly qualified they were talking about themselves.
It is my personal goal to help a client feel as comfortable as possible in front of the camera to be themselves. If I can manage to get a client in the studio, the situation mentioned above repeats itself- a lot. Why are we so surprised that we might have good pictures of ourselves? Why do people eliminate themselves before they even give themselves the opportunity? And in general- why might we feel not worthy of other things in life? Worthy of great relationships, worthy of success, worthy of love.
Principle: What You Think Generally Manifests
I know someone that has been through several jobs. And I noticed a trend. They would enter a job and be quick to start complaining and note everything they thought was wrong or unfair about the job and quickly be asked to leave the job. Conversely I remember someone telling me about a famous person once would tell himself that they had truckloads of gold coming to them. Well if I heard this correctly… this person is Tony Robbins
Perhaps you are thinking- that doesn’t correlate at all. But truly if you are picking at what is wrong, that is all you see. If you are thinking that everything is expensive and money is hard to come by that is where your thinking will lead you. This happens because our actions are based on what we are thinking and feeling.
In the studio I personally try to get you away from worrying about being in front of the camera. I try to get away from you worrying about what you look like and just having fun. We plan your session ahead of time so we can get to know each other and you know what is going to happen. This action then leads to more relaxation on the day of the shoot.
You Are More Than What Society Says
Society has a lens (a lens, get it? ha ha)…. but really they do have a lens. They have a lens of what is beautiful, who is on the A list and who is not. There are several narratives to the tune that if you have a certain characteristic this means that you are this way. If you have had this type of experience or choice, that means you are a certain type person. I recently met a person that has been sober for 2 years. And while he has made an amazing comeback story- he does not want to be known for it. While these stories have very much shaped us and our direction, they are not who we are.
It seems with all of these stories, and their incredible amount of supporting media, it is easy to get trapped into them saying ‘I have this, so I am this’. They have this so they are that. But there is so much more that creates each of us. So what if you have wrinkles? So what if you do not have the perfect shape? Are you working on yourself? Are you kind? I think it is easy for us to look at the media and narratives around us and think - I could not be that beautiful. I would never be able to be successful because of ‘X’. Well- why not? Have you tried?
Quitting Before You Fail
A few years ago I heard a podcast about quitting before you fail. My mouth dropped open. How many leaders tell a child or young person ‘it’s okay, it’s too hard, you don’t have to do it’. Now I am not talking about torturing people. But how much are we training young kids that it is completely okay to give up on something they want or will help them?
For example, one time I was talking to someone about a business idea and suggested some social media and Facebook ads. This person immediately gave me ten reasons why it would not work. Okay maybe, some of the reasons mentioned were valid- but I asked them how to do you know until you try? Quitting is not the same as failing and I think it is often confused as the same thing. And I think quitting on something you want, something that would benefit you is just that- quitting.
Perhaps you have tried to have good pictures, perhaps you have tried to start a business and in your mind failed at both. But other people have had success- and I don’t know a single person that has aced anything their first time. So if you really want it, change up your strategy and try again.
I think we need to give ourselves more credit and more opportunity. Consider for a moment how your life would be different if you said yes just 10% more often instead of no. So what if you fail the first, second or third time. If you dig deep enough plenty of people have failed…lived and did it again to success.
“I know I’m somebody cause God don’t make no junk”
This was one of my favorite quotes when I was younger and it has stuck with me. Hopefully a few of the logical approaches from above would help you find something to start with in regards to feeling worthy. I would offer from my personal experience when I started to say ‘why not me’ or yes’ and being okay to failure (or some call it learning) my world really opened up. I learned what I was capable and worthy of- and am still learning. Then as the quote mentions- good day or bad, mistakes or triumphs, not so good in the mirror or amazing- you are worthy now. You are ‘somebody, cause God don’t make no junk’.
Why a Mission of Self Confidence, Self Image and Self Realization?
Well the short answer to why I have a mission of helping others with their self image, self realization and self confidence is because for a long time- I did not have it. In fact just ten years ago I had a photography business, but if you asked most people that knew me they would have no idea because I was too scared to tell them.
In general I managed to muster my way through many things in life… but underneath I was a ball of nerves. One time my husband told them I would say the prayer in church and I cried after due to the anxiety. I think I tried to follow the society plan- go to college, get married etc not because there is anything wrong with it but because I lacked alot of confidence to forge my own path.
I graduated over 20 years ago and since have accumulated 3 college degrees… none of them being photography. Honestly I have had multiple varied interests but I did not know anyone who had made a living as a photographer and most people said it could not be done.
Fast forward a few years into marriage, kids and autism. My life was stressful and I did not have hours of my days that I could disappear into the pool or the mountains. I ended up circling back to photography because as a child I remembered that it felt good. As it turns out photography is an exercise in mindfulness and this was a starting point for me to learn so much about myself through photography.
Photography is a great opportunity for self discovery
It is an interesting experience to stand in front of a camera. The object is going to record you… how? In a good way? Or maybe not so good? Is it going to capture you in a way that will propagate some type of self reconciliation?
Like most photographers I thoroughly enjoyed being behind the camera… until I attended a model camp put on by Coco Rocha in New York City. Coco is the type of model that you want to applaud after she is done. It is amazing to watch- but even more was the experience watching the models learn their art and then produce beautiful work on the final day of camp. In truth, it looked cool I wanted a small piece of that experience.
When I came home I started experimenting with my own self portraits. What I did find, first of all is that modeling is hard work. Not only is it physical but it is a skill to present yourself in a variety of desirable ways in front of a camera. Most of my pictures went to the cutting room floor, so to speak. But what I did learn is what I really looked like. I learned more about what I liked about myself and I learned that some of those things I feared… such as my boy legs maybe were not that bad. I even started posting pictures that were nothing of what you would consider shareable- goggle lines anyone? I also started expressing myself through pictures stress that I felt that was otherwise incredibly difficult to communicate to a world largely unfamiliar with autism. It all was incredibly freeing.
It took me 20+ years to follow my dream of being a photographer
As alluded to… it took me awhile to follow my dreams of being a photographer. To add more here I felt incredibly unworthy to take beautiful pictures. I felt that I was not capable. And together these stories created years being too scared to tell people I was a photographer. Years that I photographed food because I was too scared to talk to people.
I do have to mention that while it took me 20 years- I don’t regret it. While there was many things I learned I think the biggest lesson I learned during that time was how to relate to others and go after I wanted, no matter what. My son taught me that.
My son has autism, and to no fault of his own it has been a rough road. If I wanted to learn something I have sometimes flown across the country to learn it. And given our bank account situation I have often had to get creative with the funds to make it happen. When something did not work with our son I had to revamp what we were doing and pivot. I wish I could tell you that I have been the perfect parent but as you know kids do not come with instruction manuals, especially a kid that still barely says 10 words and is considered low functioning by many professionals. Like many a great professional I got (and still get) knocked down and have learned to get back up again. Over and over.
My favorite thing my son with autism has taught me is relating to others. I know, I just told you he barely speaks 10 words. But they say most of our communication is body language and what he has taught me is a masterclass in relating to and reading people. One story that comes to mind is I think it was last year that I was photographing at a modeling camp and I was photographing with a projector as a light and I could tell the model was uncomfortable. I finally stopped the shoot and asked her what was up. She told us she had recently had an eye procedure and was sensitive to the bright light of the projector. I stopped the shoot immediately.
But even more than this I don’t mind saying and owning that I am a portrait photographer. While there is a small part in my mind that says I am not on par with Annie Leibovitz I know that is okay. I don’t have to be Annie and even though I am not, I can still make a positive impact on myself and others through photography. So while it took me 20+ years to follow my dreams… I don’t wish that on others. My hope is that if I can help you with the confidence of having your portrait taken in a studio, that can translate to other areas of your life and hopefully the courage to chase your dreams.
I think there is work for our society to do regarding a positive self image
No one need look further than social media or headlines on what the ideal self image is, how you should feel about yourself or what the latest product is that you should be trying. And subsequently there are many out there taking it all in… in healthy and not so healthy ways.
I love the to think of how different our world would be if we all put our efforts to good. You could also think how different would our world be if more people had the courage, positive self image and confidence to chase their dreams? I think this world is filled with alot of good people and many people with dreams that currently feel hampered from chasing them for a variety of confidence related reasons.
In conclusion I have been there. I have not felt confident to chase my dreams. I have looked in the mirror and thought ‘I can’t’. Since then I have heard numerous other women follow suit. I know I can’t force a change in someone’s mind. But perhaps, to use photography speak, I can help shine a light on their strengths or help readjust their focus to the light- that it will not take you 20 years to follow a dream. Or maybe just to know that today, you are worth it.
Why a Consultation Prior to Your Session?
Part of our process for every photo session at Akoma Studios includes a consultation, at least for the first time you shoot with us and I sometimes get the question- why? Or at least pushback because they feel in a hurry or that it is unnecessary. I would like to take a minute to share with you why I feel the consultation is an important piece of what I do and why it kept me from quitting photography.
Ten years ago I was what they called a shoot and burn photographer. I called it a ‘let’s shoot at the park at nine’. I have no idea what you are wearing. I have little to no idea of what you want, who you are and what you will be using the photos for. I also have no connection with you prior to putting a camera in front of your face where you feel self conscious and probably a bit nervous.
The results of these photo sessions were, I would say sub par. Sure I had clients that seemed to like their photos. But there was still a general emptiness to the photos. They were definitely not winning awards. From what I know today they likely would not be judged as a professional standard. But the biggest thing for me was there was no impact. It was an empty process, and not very rewarding- for either party.
I was actually ready to give up photography- because it was an empty process. I felt I was moving onto other things… and then I ran into Sue Bryce. While I took many concepts from Sue the consultation was a game changer for my photo sessions… in many ways.
Let’s get on the same page for your photo session
Ideally if you follow my photography you may have an idea of my style. Unfortunately I would say my style is more of the connection I have with the clients that shines through for a relaxed, fun or other portrait. I LOVE playing around with different types of light- bright and airy, traditional, color lights and so on. And depending on what you want- I could potentially use any of those lights depending on your style, the story you want to tell and even where you want to use the photographs. For instance if you have a brand that is bright, your website and a lighter color pallette and perhaps a white back drop- you probably would not care if I took the following picture for you as it does not meet your needs.
A consultation gives us a chance to get on the same page. We review visuals and what stands out to you. I gather your input on the story you want to tell, not only with visuals but also with words. Most importantly I am getting to know you.
The better the connection, the better the photographs
Getting your picture taken is not always the most fun and unless you are a professional model I am going to guess it is not at the top of your list of fun things to do. Then add to that the person taking your pictures is likely a stranger, or maybe you vaguely know them. It does not help put your mind at ease in a situation where you might be nervous.
A consultation for me is more than a review of visuals and your goal with the photos. It is a chance for us to meet without the camera present. A chance for me to see if there is something I can connect with you during the session. It is an opportunity for you to get to know me better and see that my goal is truly- your best you in the session.
I don’t recall where but I remember reading that many of the great photographers focus on spending as much time with their subject as possible, because this connection is key. While they and I can still take a picture in 5 minutes, and the ability to connect does improve over time I have found that a consultation is very valuable to create a plan for the photo session so that on the day- you can sit back and relax because you know the plan. And you know the person behind the lens- has your back.
Planning always equals better results
If you are like most of us you have probably visited the grocery store and seen several magazines at check out with several gorgeous pictures. While many of these pictures are likely highly produced and manipulated there is generally one constant- planning. They did not show up one day and say lets take a picture. They had to arrange for hair and make up, wardrobe, location, assistants and so on. While we do not shoot that large for individual clients, why not take a page out of the professionals playbook. I would offer that planning across many industries lead to better results. No, you cannot plan for everything- but at least it gives us a better starting point and a better opportunity for better results.
I have loved consultations since I started doing them, even for headshots. No, it does not make alot of monetary sense for me to do the consultation for a headshot, and I have even thought about getting rid of them. But I love them. I know to many people photographer’s just push a button but I hope to let you know that to many of us it is so much more than that. I love the positive impact my sessions now have with clients. I love the beautiful imagery we create together. But even more than that- I love connecting with other humans. Many that I am now lucky enough to call friends.
Why Don’t We Like Pictures of Ourselves?
One of the most common comments I get from potential clients is they don’t like pictures of themselves. This is then followed by a general list with comments on their wrinkles, their size, their hair, their whatever… you get my point.
But here is the thing. Why is that? What is wrong with your wrinkles? For as long as I can remember- that is what happens when you get old. And as far as I know- we all get to age. So why is this so shocking?
As far as weight. If you don’t like how big you are, why don’t we do something about it versus erase your history by eliminating any pictures of you? Or perhaps there is something deeper going on? Note: I myself am over weight and I am aware there may be some medical conditions that make losing weight more difficult.
Well… I am no psychologist. But based off of my own personal experience photographing clients over the years and not always loving how I look in a picture… here are some thoughts.
A photograph is reflection of our appearance- not who we are
Here is something most photographers don’t tell you. Depending on the settings of a camera, the angle of a lens, light and posing I can make you look thin or bigger. I can make a head bigger than it is, I could make your wrinkles seem to be much less and so on. My point here is that often times a simple snapshot may not actually be a reflection of your physical being.
But what I want you to know is this. While a photograph my show you in an instance of time- it is not who you are or who you have to be. I think I have looked at a photo of myself and thought- I am bigger than I want to be. Most society logic would say that I am big, therefore I am lazy about eating, exercising and health in general. The truth is that I generally prefer health foods. The truth is also that I work extremely hard at caring for my family. I love taking care of photo clients. I love helping others see themselves in a different light.
You don’t get all that from a picture. What others may think of a photo is what they think. You know the truth. You know that you are alot of things, more than what is reflected in just a photo. But I would offer we have just a great opportunity for self discovery in snapshots, our own photos and those taken by a professional photographer.
What you see in the photograph is probably different than what’s in your head.
Some time ago I was listening to someone talk about looking in the mirror and adding up all the things they did not like about themselves. I thought to myself- I don’t have that problem. Then the more I thought about it I realized I was not even looking in the mirror. I could for sure list some problems. I have been overweight since I had kids. I have never liked the dark circles under my eyes. And for some reason my acne is present at age 40 because… because why?
So here is the thing. I was not looking in the mirror. I was not watching the change and I definitely was not caring for myself in the process. In my mind I still looked like a high school athlete or at least the girl in college that still worked out alot. Who was this person and how did I get here?
As it turns out I did not like that reflection because it was something different in my head. It was not something I had given time to- in terms of how I looked or if it was something I wanted to do anything about.
Lean towards compassion, instead of shame
As mentioned just like most of my clients I can rattle off a list of things that bug. The hardest thing for me has been the weight. I know why it is there. I have had alot of stress that I have not handled in the best way. I could lean into shame and unfortunately, some people have for me. I had one person tell me they were ‘surprised’ I used to road bike seeing my figure today. While this is something that I definitely recommend not repeating in any form to any person, I would offer this is already repeating in some form in our heads.
Instead I have tried compassion. I have kept a roof over my family’s head. I have kept my son alive, when there have been a few times it was a challenge. Congratulations to me I am human. And a human with feelings at that. I am not going to handle the amount of stress I have had perfectly. To be clear I am not talking about the kind of compassion where I pull out another bag of chocolate (my #1 vice) and throw another pity party. I am talking about the type of compassion that says- I understand. I look at the woman in the mirror and feel kindness for what she has been through. Beauty for what she has endured. And a desire for continual growth into my beautiful self.
Pictures can appear scary but they can also be wonderful opportunities to learn, shine light on what scares us and have physical proof of life, growth and opportunity. Whether my studio or someone else’s- I hope you have the opportunity to see yourself through someone else’s lens. Someone that loves you as you are, see’s beauty in different forms and knows you are worthy-now.
We Need To Talk About Pamela Anderson
I want to talk about Pamela Anderson. Not the Baywatch or other stuff. I want to talk about her recent trend which is no make up, nada. And I am so here for it.
I don’t know why but I just never cared for make up. When I was younger it may very well have been a sensory issue… the small and have different textures and solutions on my face. Now as a mom I have much less time, if I wanted to prioritize it. But I still don’t prioritize it. Why? And why does Pamela Anderson seem to be having so much fun without it? Including campaign work that I would assume is paid? Doesn’t that go against everything we are told about beauty?
For full disclosure I do offer clients the option for hair and make up in the studio. But a tiny confession here? I don’t care if they have it or not. I do realize that it can give certain clients a boost of confidence that might be a little extra tentative in front of the camera. But I also realize (and relate) that it can make some clients a little more uncertain if they are not used to it.
Now I want to elaborate on not being used to it. I think that this can come in 2 forms. The first form is where it physically and mentally makes you uncomfortable. This can be sensory- as when I was younger. Or it could just be you know you have it on and some how you become or feel outside of yourself. Personally I am a strong proponent of you being you in front of the camera.
However, if that ‘not being used to it’ is you wear the make up, then look at your final picture and think that is not me, I am not that pretty. I have personally heard this from more than one woman I have photographed. And more sadly they have had friends comment as such on their pictures. One time when I was wearing make up my daughter told me I looked like a clown (and I had barely any on).
So a few take aways here….
A different definition of beauty
I think what Pamela Anderson is doing with her no make up looks are amazing and I wish more women would do it. I truly feel there is a deeper definition of beauty ignored by the industry and world at large. It is a definition regularly covered up by the beauty and associated industries as they market based on look and generally portraying that you will be enough- with their product or service. That there are things about you that they say are not beautiful and somehow these are the standard.
To wear make up… or not to wear make up
If you want to wear makeup- great. If you don’t want to wear make up- great. But please do it for the right reasons. Do it in a way that builds you up. But please know you are worthy of and are beautiful now. Even if things are a mess. Have you ever seen an exhausted, worn out mom caring for a child? A child covered in dirt from head to toe, playing with their puppy? A tired grandma caring for their ailing family member? You are worth being seen and loved as you are.
Recognize there are many definitions of beauty.
There is one from the beauty industry, corporate America- largely marketing to you on the basis of an impossible standard and the message you are not enough. Right now as I write this I am over weight. I have not dealt perfectly with the stress of raising an autistic child. But 2 hours ago we sat in the living room teasing each other, smiling, tickling and giving hugs. This is one of the times I have felt most beautiful and I am currently in sweats, hair in a haphazard ponytail and definitely no make up. I wish I could have a picture of those moments. It is a moment in our mess of a life that I feel beautiful and would love to remember forever with a picture. But unfortunately he is not comfortable in front of the camera and I will likely never get that picture and that picture compares to no society beauty standard that I know of.
So make up or no make up. Society definition or your own. I hope that you will look for beauty, recognize it when you see it and not be afraid of it. If you don’t usually wear make up maybe give yourself the opportunity to feel beautiful with makeup. If you don’t usually wear it, perhaps try going with out.