Navigating Confidence and Self-Acceptance: A Journey Through Challenges

This past week has been particularly tough for me. My son, who is autistic, has faced more challenges than usual, partly due to a lack of anticipated support this summer. This unexpected situation has led to disruptions in his routine, which in turn has triggered increased behaviors. Compounding this, we've had frustrating communication issues with the appliance repair service, leaving us without air conditioning during a heatwave. In a bid to find some respite, I decided to take the kids to our cabin for a few days.

Unfortunately, the trip didn’t go as planned.

Traveling with my son is always challenging due to his medical and autism-related needs. I overlooked the fact that this trip was yet another significant change in his routine. While we managed a short hike and some time at a local swimming pool, my son was visibly on edge. Given our history, it’s difficult for me not to feel the same way. By "on edge," I mean he wasn’t happy or mad, just not his usual self. This tension finally escalated on our second night there.

I didn’t handle the situation as well as I would have liked. I wish I could react perfectly, but I’m only human. Each time we have one of these episodes, I feel a wave of self-doubt. I wish I could help him more, but his limited communication abilities make it challenging. He often resists our efforts, which adds to the frustration.

But this isn’t about my son. This is about me. Every time we encounter such a situation, I feel like a fraud. I question my self-confidence and my right to advise others on confidence and self-image when I feel so low afterward.

So, what do I do?

First, I try to give myself credit. I care deeply and am doing my best with the resources I have. I never act with ill intent towards my son. Second, I consider what I could do better next time. For example, we have an upcoming out-of-state trip to see my son’s doctor. Initially, I thought about taking him alone, but now I realize my husband needs to come along for support. My son seems more at ease when we’re all together. Lastly, I remind myself that perfection is unattainable. I will always be learning, and my real-life experiences can help others. As they say, “the mess is the magic.” I’ve learned that there are no mistakes, only learning opportunities. Hearing about the real experiences of other moms has made me feel more connected and supported.

For me, self-image and self-confidence are closely tied to how I perceive myself and my actions. I wanted to share this today to let you know that I’m not perfect. But despite my imperfections, I continue to use the skills I’ve developed to navigate life, overcome challenges, and strive for my goals.

This is not to criticize my son or autism. My son has medical reasons for his behaviors, and I don’t question why we’re in this situation. I look forward to the day he will be made whole, and I will see him free of these struggles. I have a deep appreciation for my son. Before having him, I was too scared to tell anyone that I was a photographer. I feared not doing it ‘right’ or providing a good experience. Many tools in what I call my “Unstoppable Toolbox” were learned from raising my son. Despite our ongoing struggles, it has never been about him. It’s about how I respond to the challenges. This life is about what I can control, and I cannot control my son. He is who he is.

Through all these experiences, I’ve realized that self-confidence is not about never feeling doubt or never making mistakes. It’s about acknowledging our struggles, learning from them, and continuing to move forward. For women over 35 who might be struggling with self-confidence, remember that it’s okay to have setbacks. It’s okay not to be perfect. What matters is that you keep going, keep learning, and keep growing. Your experiences, no matter how messy, are part of your unique journey and can help others on their paths as well.

So, let’s give ourselves the credit we deserve, learn from our experiences, and continue to build our confidence, one step at a time. Remember, you’re not alone in this journey. We’re all learning and growing together.