Embracing Self-Love: A Journey Towards Confidence

I've seen it time and time again. Someone looks at their picture and immediately begins to criticize themselves. This happens with both clients I've just met and friends I've known for years. It's a pattern that sadly, many of us are familiar with.

One instance stands out in my memory. I had photographed a friend and we were reviewing her pictures together. I was excited about how well the photos turned out, but the first thing she said was, "Look at all my wrinkles." This was a friend I'd known for years, and never once had I thought she had a lot of wrinkles.

This moment was a stark reminder of how many of us (and I'm not going to say all, but certainly many) look in the mirror and focus on everything we think is wrong with us. But the truth is, we don’t do this to each other. I don’t sit across from a friend thinking they're overweight, have acne, or bad posture. When I'm with my friends, I'm engaged in our conversation or activity. I’m not focused on what they look like. And frankly, if someone is focused on your looks, are they really the kind of person you'd want as a friend?

This brings up a couple of important thoughts.

First, let's recall those science experiments from school where kids would play rock music versus classical music to a plant, or talk kindly to one plant and yell at another. The plant on the receiving end of yelling and cursing didn't fare well. This concept was further explored by Masaru Emoto in his work with water. He showed that water crystals exposed to positive energy, like classical music or kind words, were beautifully aligned. Conversely, water exposed to negative energy, like cursing or harsh music, became deconstructed and chaotic.

I bring this up because a significant portion of our bodies is made up of water. If negative energy can affect water so profoundly, imagine what it does to us when we direct negativity towards ourselves.

I also recall reading a suggestion that we should write the names of everyone whose opinions we truly care about on a 1x1 inch piece of paper. The idea is that you shouldn’t need more space than that to list the people whose feedback matters. Most of us understand this conceptually, but we don’t always act on it.

So, what if we changed our perspective? What if we realized that most people we dress to impress don’t actually care about our perceived flaws? How would our actions change if we spoke more kindly to ourselves? Would our internal molecules align better and potentially improve our health? Would positive self-talk influence our actions towards achieving our goals?

While I can't answer these questions scientifically, I do know from personal experience that kinder self-talk changes my actions and, consequently, my outcomes and appearance. When I speak kindly to myself, I feel better and act more confidently. Similarly, when I help a client feel more confident, their photos reflect that inner shift.

Many of us, especially women over 35, struggle with self-confidence. We often focus on perceived flaws rather than celebrating our strengths. But what if we made a conscious effort to change this narrative? What if we started treating ourselves with the same kindness and understanding that we offer our friends?

Imagine looking in the mirror and seeing beyond the surface. Instead of focusing on wrinkles, we could see the strength in our eyes, the kindness in our smile, and the wisdom in our features. By shifting our focus from criticism to appreciation, we can start to build a healthier self-image.

It's important to remember that self-love and confidence are journeys, not destinations. We will have days when negative thoughts creep in, but it's crucial to counter them with positive affirmations. Here are a few steps to help you start this journey:

1. Acknowledge Your Achievements: Take time to recognize your accomplishments, no matter how small. Celebrate your progress and be proud of your efforts.

2. Practice Positive Self-Talk: Replace negative thoughts with positive affirmations. Instead of saying, "I look tired," try saying, "I am strong and capable."

3. Surround Yourself with Support: Spend time with people who uplift and encourage you. Their positivity will reinforce your own.

4. Focus on What You Can Control: You can't change others' opinions, but you can change how you view yourself. Concentrate on what you can do to improve your self-image and confidence.

5. Be Kind to Yourself: Treat yourself with the same kindness and compassion you would offer a friend. You deserve it.

Remember, your worth is not determined by your appearance. You are valuable, capable, and deserving of love and respect. By embracing self-love and practicing positive self-talk, you can transform your self-image and boost your confidence.

Let's start today. Look in the mirror and acknowledge something positive about yourself. It might feel strange at first, but with time, it will become a natural and empowering habit. You have the power to change your narrative and build the confidence you deserve.