Why Don’t We Like Pictures of Ourselves?
One of the most common comments I get from potential clients is they don’t like pictures of themselves. This is then followed by a general list with comments on their wrinkles, their size, their hair, their whatever… you get my point.
But here is the thing. Why is that? What is wrong with your wrinkles? For as long as I can remember- that is what happens when you get old. And as far as I know- we all get to age. So why is this so shocking?
As far as weight. If you don’t like how big you are, why don’t we do something about it versus erase your history by eliminating any pictures of you? Or perhaps there is something deeper going on? Note: I myself am over weight and I am aware there may be some medical conditions that make losing weight more difficult.
Well… I am no psychologist. But based off of my own personal experience photographing clients over the years and not always loving how I look in a picture… here are some thoughts.
A photograph is reflection of our appearance- not who we are
Here is something most photographers don’t tell you. Depending on the settings of a camera, the angle of a lens, light and posing I can make you look thin or bigger. I can make a head bigger than it is, I could make your wrinkles seem to be much less and so on. My point here is that often times a simple snapshot may not actually be a reflection of your physical being.
But what I want you to know is this. While a photograph my show you in an instance of time- it is not who you are or who you have to be. I think I have looked at a photo of myself and thought- I am bigger than I want to be. Most society logic would say that I am big, therefore I am lazy about eating, exercising and health in general. The truth is that I generally prefer health foods. The truth is also that I work extremely hard at caring for my family. I love taking care of photo clients. I love helping others see themselves in a different light.
You don’t get all that from a picture. What others may think of a photo is what they think. You know the truth. You know that you are alot of things, more than what is reflected in just a photo. But I would offer we have just a great opportunity for self discovery in snapshots, our own photos and those taken by a professional photographer.
What you see in the photograph is probably different than what’s in your head.
Some time ago I was listening to someone talk about looking in the mirror and adding up all the things they did not like about themselves. I thought to myself- I don’t have that problem. Then the more I thought about it I realized I was not even looking in the mirror. I could for sure list some problems. I have been overweight since I had kids. I have never liked the dark circles under my eyes. And for some reason my acne is present at age 40 because… because why?
So here is the thing. I was not looking in the mirror. I was not watching the change and I definitely was not caring for myself in the process. In my mind I still looked like a high school athlete or at least the girl in college that still worked out alot. Who was this person and how did I get here?
As it turns out I did not like that reflection because it was something different in my head. It was not something I had given time to- in terms of how I looked or if it was something I wanted to do anything about.
Lean towards compassion, instead of shame
As mentioned just like most of my clients I can rattle off a list of things that bug. The hardest thing for me has been the weight. I know why it is there. I have had alot of stress that I have not handled in the best way. I could lean into shame and unfortunately, some people have for me. I had one person tell me they were ‘surprised’ I used to road bike seeing my figure today. While this is something that I definitely recommend not repeating in any form to any person, I would offer this is already repeating in some form in our heads.
Instead I have tried compassion. I have kept a roof over my family’s head. I have kept my son alive, when there have been a few times it was a challenge. Congratulations to me I am human. And a human with feelings at that. I am not going to handle the amount of stress I have had perfectly. To be clear I am not talking about the kind of compassion where I pull out another bag of chocolate (my #1 vice) and throw another pity party. I am talking about the type of compassion that says- I understand. I look at the woman in the mirror and feel kindness for what she has been through. Beauty for what she has endured. And a desire for continual growth into my beautiful self.
Pictures can appear scary but they can also be wonderful opportunities to learn, shine light on what scares us and have physical proof of life, growth and opportunity. Whether my studio or someone else’s- I hope you have the opportunity to see yourself through someone else’s lens. Someone that loves you as you are, see’s beauty in different forms and knows you are worthy-now.